How Can You Keep Your Marriage Together When Infidelity or Boredom Threaten?
Many people know that divorce rates these days are fairly high — about 40% of U.S. couples will divorce, with the majority of them never reaching their 10 year anniversary. What this statistic doesn?t highlight, however, is that many more people consider divorce — but ultimately don?t go through with it.
So, what makes these couples succeed, while others have to call it quits?
There?s no one answer to what can stop a divorce from happening. However, research has indicated a few key issues are especially stressful in relationships — and there are correspondingly several coping mechanisms that are useful in keeping a relationship together.
No one wants to believe it would happen to their relationship, but the statistics on infidelity (an estimated 25% of people have had an extramarital affair) clearly indicate it?s happening to quite a few of us. It can feel like a massive breach of trust to the other partner. Today, marriage counseling experts tend to not suggest extreme coping methods, such as immediately divorcing, or totally ignoring the problem.
Instead, it?s a step by step process that both partners will need to work through. To begin with, the ties with the affair (if it is ongoing: the average affair lasts about to two years) need to be completely cut. Although it may sound strange, it can actually be a good idea to take a trip together. This can help jump-start the feeling of undivided, united time and will eliminate distractions (whether it?s work or other people).
It?s sad to think that you can feel ?bored? of who is supposed to be your life partner, but the reality is that boredom is a real phenomenon, and sometimes curing it can be as simple as trying new things together. Have you gotten so set in your schedules that you do the same exact thing every Friday night? Try out a new restaurant, invite a new couple over for drinks, or go see a concert together. Couples therapy is a good resource to get couples talking again and re-discovering what it is they enjoy about each others? company.
According to Psychology Today, a common issue is that couples essentially choose security over discovery. Couples counseling can help unlock the reasons behind this. Couples may feel that it’s “less work” to stay locked into a secure schedule, but it ultimately may be holding them back from growing as a unit. Couples counseling can help couples make the realization together that they “must continue transforming and evolving, even if that process temporarily threatens the security they have created.” Will couples counseling save your marriage? There’s no guarantee, but 93% of surveyed patients reported that visiting a marriage counselor helped them gain the coping skills they needed.